Thursday, January 29, 2009

Confessions of a rotten dog owner

5 Things I should not laugh at, but do anyway:

i. Wootie is v. v. jealous of the clothes brush

Mr. Woo is A Very Jealous Dog. He cannot abide anyone else to getting attention he believes is rightfully his. Which is all attention. Thus has the jealously of the clothes brush come to pass ... once, when my vacuum cleaner was out of commission, I resorted to de-hairifying my area rug with the clothes brush before guests were due to arrive.

Woo perceived this as the rug getting pets, pets which HE wanted - nay, deserved - and practically did cartwheels to divert attention. When this failed to distract me, he threw himself on the brush, bit the brush, stood on the brush and barked at the brush, then barked at me.

I laughed. Big Mistake.

To this day, when I try to remove Woo-and-Nutz hair from my bedspread, Wootie leaps on the bed and "attacks" the brush. I yell "Wootie, get off the frickin' bed!!" and he does a playbow, and evades me, but won't get off the bed. Or he gets off the bed, and then gets right back on it again. I still laugh!

ii. Piper makes Mad Teeth(tm) at me when I kiss her nose

Probably this is a really bad idea, but I find it amusing. It's like her lips are connected to my nose, marionette-fashion. When I go in for a snuzzle, out come the pissed-off teeth. One day she is going to lose it, and bite me, and then I'll be sorry. I probably won't laugh then.

iii. Tweed sings the blues when he sees it's time for Walkies.

When I whip out the gumboots, Tweed begins to yodel. It starts with a singing full body stretch, and I like to tickle his throat while he does it so the song is all warbly. I am easily amused like this. This doesn't seem so bad, but his vocal range intesifies with each passing year. The more Tweed ages, the louder he gets. He is also a HUGE ham, so every time I laugh, he sings more complicated tunes. It goes like this: Tweed yodels, Food Lady yells "shutup Tweed HAHAHAHA I mean, shut up! HAHAHAHAH."

By the time he is a senior, he'll be screaming operas at me, and the neighbors will be calling the police.

iv. Mr. Woo's "go-to" response is ROLLOVER

It's just bad. No matter what you tell Noodles to do, he rolls over. And not a submissive roll - it's completely enthusiastic. It was the first thing I taught him, and the only thing he seems to retain.

v. Tweed wears anything I tell him to. This is not so much a Tweed thing as a mean Food Lady thing. And it's not that I laugh at him because he does it, but I laugh when I make him do it. I'm such a sadist.

I want to see what Pia's dogs do that make her laugh. So I'm going to go tag her blog so she can do a post of 5 things her dogs do that she shouldn't laugh at, but does. And then she can pass it onto another dogblog. Soon we will all be laughing.
Happy blogging!


Kaylyn said...

OMG! I totally laugh at my pup all the time. She had to wear an e-collar once and she would try to get in the car and it'd hit the side and make a loud noise and scare her. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even help the poor thing into the car. Or the time she got the trash can lid stuck around her neck like a necklace.... Dogs are so funny!

Fi said...

Omigawd. Kate is an enlarged Rogue!

Anonymous said...

I laughed and laughed reading this post...hahahahaha!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who does these kinds of things. My Westie bitch (a.k.a. Shasta's Little Bitch) will just get all snuggied down in the shape of a bagel when I pick her up to move her off the bed or something, and out comes the "RRRRRRRrrrrr...." Which makes me giggle, that she thinks she would scare me. And you're right - one day we'll get bitten, and then it won't be so funny. But it's sure funny now.

My mixed breed sounds like a dead-on impression of one of those door stoppers when he growls. If you've ever flicked one, you know whereof I speak. And that makes me laugh, because it's such a harmless, common, useful gadget, and my boy sounds just like it when he's trying to sound badass.

Tee hee...I'll be giggling all day now.

Roxie, Sammy and Andy said...

Guilty too. I laugh at the dachsies all of the time. And this post had me tears running down my face. The dogs are trying to figure out what is wrong with me!

Mary (Dachsies' Mom)

Weasel Puppy said...

Guilty as well:

I think it's hilarious to watch my bc bring me a tug or toy, give me the puppy eyes, swivel her head around to flash a snarly face at the other dog, switch back to sweet puppy eyes at me, snarly face at the other dog.

Watching the quick flip changeover, it's like she is channeling that girl from the Exorcist.

Sweet~Ceana said...

I too am guilty of getting Ceana to flash her toothy snarl for my pleasure. I associated the word "Evil," with her snarls.
Now all I have to do is look at her and say "evil," and she will snarl and show her teeth. We could be playing a game of frisbee and if I say the word she gets all PO-ed and snarls for a moment. It is hilarious in person. She gets so irritated that you told her to do it, and yet she does it every time because you tell her.

AutumnWolf said...

I recently found your blog and I gotta say I love it. This is great. I started my own dog blog just a few weeks ago and hope someday to be able to live up to yours. I linked yours to mine b/c really how could I not. You and your pups are awesome and I love your pics. Check my blog out sometime.

MalaysianFan said...

The question demands to be asked: Can Tweed still belt out Puccini arias with a sock over his muzzle?

And I notice you dare not laugh at Angry Donut...

Andrea said...

What a great post!! I think we all have things like that with our dogs. :)

Roxy's Mom said...

We think our German Shepard talks like Chewbacca. What would we do without them? Love your blog! Can hardly wait for your next post.

Anonymous said...

New reader here! And I love your blog.

I always laugh at the faces and noises Sparky (mixed breed mutt) makes when I blow in his ears (just gently) and on his face! And, yep, I'm going to get bitten one day but for now it's fun.

Mary said...

There needs to be a club called "We Laugh At Our Dogs." I would totally pay my dues!

deserthorses5 said...

Your dogs are PRECIOUS! I have a "dog blog", too. Here is the link:
Come visit!

Anonymous said...

ii - ended up rushing the Red Head to the ER one morning. Blood gushing from upper lip and nose. That area bleeds profusely, just in case Food Lady was curious. Takes a while (long while) for the scars to subside.

Great shooting! You have great patience and timing.


Anonymous said...

My dog's go-to behavior for getting treats from strangers was roll over! It was my mom's fault, since every time we go to her house she has treats waiting for him and this was the only thing she made him do. I put a stop to it when he did it to the instructor in obedience class one night!