Saturday, February 28, 2009

They Getcha Comin' and Goin'


I think I mentioned a little while ago that whilst at the dog park, Piper got jumped on by a large dog that was wearing, for mystery reasons, a very big and heavy carabiner on its collar. When Piper whirled about to fend off Jumpee McPouncerpants, the carabiner smacked her square in the teeth, shearing one off horizontally and splitting another vertically. Le sigh.

At work the other day, Piper flashed some Mad Teeth (tm) at her brother over the prized object of Mr. Pickles' apple core and I noticed that the split tooth was visible from root to tip through the gum, which meant the gum was receding at a fairly rapid rate. I wiggled the tooth and it did a little dance for me in her mouth, and was clearly painful. The gum was all puffy. My coworkers and I merrily debated the option of tying a string to said tooth and slamming a door to remove it, but in the end a vet visit was necessary to remove her broken teefies.

Poor Piper. She'll be toothless at this rate.

I rob you of your hard earned monies. And I am proud.

Speaking of poor ... I love working for a non profit organization that does important work for Canada's fur-bearing animals. However, they may as well pay me in gumballs and unicorns for all the wealth it rains down upon me. Piper's dental bill caught me unawares and in an, errr, 'economic downturn period' within the Food Lady's bank account.

Ze times, zay are, how you say, tight.

So to pay the Piper (bill) I had to part with one of my more beloved possessions, my Rocky Mountain Bicycle commuter bike. Today I sold it to a very nice person who promised to ride it every day, and treat it with love and reverance.

As I stood with my nose to the window glass, watching the woman ride away on precious Joelene, I shook my fist at Piper and shouted "Curses! I wish curses upon you!"

But she ignored me, because she was staring at MC Hamster, and drooling through her gap toothed face.

And then she went and hired herself a bodyguard. A muscley one with a fabulous ass!

Go ahead, beeyotch. Make Parker's day.

Listen lady, don't make me run really fast and put everyone else at the park to shame.

Oh, brother.

What Mr. Woo does not like:

Unneutered male dogs. He REALLY does not like them, which is something I only figured out recently. He borrows Piper's Mad Teeth (tm) and becomes very growly-snarly. It's kind of a shock, because he's usually such a genial fellow.

Immediately after this photo was taken, Mr. Woo tried to take this dog's face off - which was hard, as the dog's face was in his wiener. Woo does not like to be violated.
Poor Woo. Everyone laughed at him.

And speaking of being violated ... poor Tug! Everyone laughed at him too.


And since everyone is being violated, why not a threesome?

Harriet does not participate in this sick doggie style free for all.

You are all perverts.

Run away! Run away!

Oh and hai!

Today we are featured on Macromutt!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pssst. There's a ...

... hamster up there.

HellOOOOOOOOO! I said there's a hamster up there!

So many dogs, so little hamster.

Mr. Woo got a crappy seat for hamster viewing.

But you know what they say.

doG helps those who help themselves.

Mr. Woo is not ashamed of his love for MC Hamster. He just looks that way.


*brain explodes*

Hamster TV was the best and worst thing I have ever done. Hammy keeps the dogs busy for long stretches ... however, they stand on my end table to get a better look at him. And the constant low *keening* noise that eminates from Wootie makes watching movies difficult.

What's funniest about the Hammy addition is that Piper thinks about him all. day. long. I know this because the very first thing she does when we come home from work, or the park, or wherever, is sprint into the living room and check on the cage. Hammy? Check! Phew.

Oh my Hammy! Why don't you fall for me?

Right into my open mouth, not the mouth to the left of meeeeee!

So do you want to know what makes you guys FANTASTIC?


That's how much money you all have raised for Finn's trip to Nicaragua! You generous folks have not only covered her travel costs, but you have made a nice little contribution to the Casa Lupita "we need all kinds of shit real bad" fund.

Finn has a big smoocherooni for you all. It might have been a little something like when Woo makes out with my coworker, Mr. Pickles:

But it turned out to be more of a written thing.

Hey Everyone,

When I first decided I would seek sponsorship for this trip I wrote this big cheesebag letter, sent it to Sheena and asked her to look it over for me. Sheena took one look at it, declared it crap without actually broaching the subject and said she had amazing blog people and could do better.

I’ve known this woman for years. She’s always been right. She was again.

I’m used to being a smart ass, to naming dogs who have had one eye gouged out “One Eye” or “Ticky”. Tactlessness is sort of my stock in trade. And for the first time in forever I am completely out of smart-assiness and devoid of cynicism. To quote my original email to Sheena after she put the blog up “Holy. F*ckballs. These people are amazing”.

And you are. I don’t even know how to say thank you to everyone. Thank you. All. So very, very, very, very much. You rule.

Thank you for caring about these Portia, Raul, The Potato, Freda, Sherman, Lobo, et al. Thank you for your faith in me. I will work my ass off, blog me little fingers to the bone, take a million pictures, will not puke in the garbage can under the surgery table, will try to pawn dogs off on tourists and probably fall on my face a million times. I take all y’all - and your enormous generosity - with me. And I’ll do you proud. Or die trying.

The extra money will go to Casa Lupita to care for the clinic dogs and to help prevent further generations from being born on the street. God knows they need it, god knows it will be put to good use.

This is probably the most earnest thing I’ve ever put on a blog but that’s how dumbstruck I am. Thank you.

With enormous amounts of gratitude and respect and a lot less swearing than I usually use,


PS - Even before I leave, I am resurrecting the Sarna Dog Chronicles. I owe everyone a eulogy for The Potato, an update on some of our alumni, introductions to the new sarna monsters, and the usual Finnegan-Dowling-is-an-idiot non animal daily life vignettes. And trust me, I only get more idiotic in my native country.

And she asks that if you still want to help, please send money directly to Casa Lupita. They can always use the money.

I love you guys!

And hey, if you are looking for and having trouble finding a good K9 photographer in your area (unless your area is my area, in which case you'll make me cry) you should definitely check out MACROMUTT.COM, a super cool new directory for dog photographers across North America.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


Today I drove from Vancouver to Princeton BC. And then back again.

It was a pretty day for a road trip through the mountains.

Hello! Giant Man Hands here!

My friend Jackie tagged along to keep me company. This made Tweed so happy, he made faces.
He wuvs Auntie Jackie's special bum scritchins.

Piper thought it was great!

Mr. Woo ate snow.

(And he rolled in something NASTY in Princeton. PeeYOO!)

Princeton was snowycoldness. -2 degrees outside. Brrr.

And the residents of the town seemed a little different. AND they didn't use the crosswalks!

It was a long road trip!

So why on earth did we drive all the way out there?

Why, for this!

That's Chance. Chance needed us. He had been in 4 homes in his short 18 months of life, and the last one was fixin' to put a bullet behind his ear ... because Chance wouldn't stay home on the property (gosh, I wonder why?).

But Chance has a guardian angel named Sherry. One time, when Chance was running around doin' his thing (his thing is running around!) she picked him up off the road. She talked Chance's latest owner into giving him up, then she bundled him into her car and drove him to Princeton, where she handed him over to us!

Chance is one lucky dog. And a very handsome one with lots of obedience training under his belt!

He was sad to leave his new BFF Sherry, but now he's on a journey to a wonderful new life. Once he gets the okey-dokey from our vet, Chance will be looking for a new home through TDBCR.

Mr. Woo wants to go back to Princeton. He says he really wants to eat .. eer, MEET the special people that live there. He says they look FANTASTIC! Barkscreamaliscious.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Moons Over My Hammy

I am so proud of you guys! I spoke with Finn this morning and she tells me you all have raised just over half the funds she needs for her airfare. Already! You guys are really the best.

For this, I shall reward you with ...

HAMMY J Pepper

Donut calls him "lunch"

Feed Me, Seymour!

Canned HAMM (have you figured out he doesn't have a real name yet?) is a black bear hamster I scored off of CL. He's pretty darned awesome. But very difficult to photograph. I'm not a hamster-shooting pro yet.

I thought he would make excellent Donut TV.
But since I brought him home, Tweed has been staring at his cage with this expression on his face:

I think he is a fan.

Anyhoo, Green Eggs and HAMM is having a run in his hot pink wheel in his double decker house after rudely rejecting my peace offering of a red pepper, and then chucking a piece of mozzarella on the floor. It's very cute, as he has a captive audience with 12 legs. Mr. Woo can't even look at him - when he does, he begins to vibrate with barely controlled barkscreams. The experience has exhausted him, so he is passed out under my computer desk at the mo.

The HAMMptons came with a big clear ball that apparently he can climb into and then motor around the house within. I am fairly certain that this activity would cause Mr. Woo's head to EXPLODE so we're working up to that one.

PHAMMpmers is also supposed to satisfy the small-fuzzy-craving that usually hits me around this time of year...FOOD LADY WANTS A PUPPY!! Alas (and PHEW) I cannot have a puppy, so GraHAMM is my puppy substitute.

Say hello to the nice people, Hammy!

Better photos to come, I promise!

In other news, Mia from No Puppy Mills Canada has generously offered to donate $10.00 from every order of her custom-made canine blankies to Finn's trip for Casa Lupita.

They are really cool, and if your pooch needs his own 'binkie' then check out how you can order one of your own.

And if you are one of those rare birds who does not have a paypal account, but you still want to donate to Finn's cause, send me an email and I will pass on her postal address.

Fall into my mouth please hammmmmsterrrrrrr .....

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

How you can do something GOOD.

My friend Finn has spent a lot of time in the animal welfare trenches. She has rescued 'em, transported 'em, bathed 'em, groomed 'em, found 'em homes and laid 'em to rest when it was too late. When Katrina hit, Finn went to New Orleans to help clean up. When no natural disaster was present, you'd have found her working in a shelter somewhere.

Finn is to animals as fat is to Woo - an integral part of life!

Last year lots of you followed, via her blog, Finn's adventures working with the street dogs and cats in Granada, Nicaragua at the non profit clinic Casa Lupita. There Finn and other volunteers made a huge difference in the lives of the many stray dogs and cats of Granada, who endure misery, disease, hunger, abuse and death in this impoverished place.

Thanks to the work of Casa Lupita and volunteers like Finn, dogs like the Potato:

had their lives literally transformed.

But there are still lots of dogs out there who need help.

So for the third time in as many years, Finn is joining Casa Lupita on a quest to neuter some several hundred dogs and cats in the Corn Islands and provide them with the health care and nutrition that they so desperately need.

What you don't know is that in the past Finn has paid for her trips to Grenada out of her own pocket, because her dedication to the cause is that strong. The last time Finn went to Nica, she sold her car to fund the trip. This time, Finn's out of things to sell. The spay/neuter clinic group of volunteers is a small, handpicked collective and it's a huge honour for Finn to be invited.

But Finn just feels like it's her duty.

So if you want to do something GOOD this year, send a donation to Finn's Travel Fund via PAYPAL (to .

Finn needs to raise just over $500.00 USD to take care of her airfare and incidentals. She will not be paid for her time off work. Her accommodations and meals will be donated by locals in the area. A similar two day clinic neutered over 100 dogs and cats in 48 hours - imagine what they can do in 7 days?

So if you can help my buddy Finn, throw down a little, would ya? I'll vouch for her - she is 100% on the up and up, and should we happen to raise more cash than she needs for her trip, she'll be proud to hand it over to Casa Lupita herself, on your behalf.

To help save dogs like Portia

Who today might dead if it weren't for volunteers like Finn.

And if we're lucky, she'll blog about her adventures while she's there.


So BAD it's actually good

On today's trip to the dogpark, I was bullied and intimidated.

By a border collie.

You WILL give me your frisbee, beeotch.
He even had a nefarious little arched white eyebrow!

Told ya so.

He was very stare-y.

And when he was busy, like taking a leak or something, he brought a stand-in stare-er!

However this stand-in was no match for FLYING FISTS OF WOOTIE!


This move is called Dance Of The Spring Lambs

Flying One Legged Impala-Bunny of DOOOOOOOOOOM

Okay seriously - am I the only person with a dog that *levitates*? Normal dogs don't play like this! I took about 15 photos of Wootie and this border collie wrasslin', and in a whole two of them he has his feet on the ground.

Actually ... make that one photo. I just noticed his feet are not on the ground in this one either. He can't even hug his new friend whilst standing on the ground. What's WRONG with this dog?!


Bless you?

No, no, this is Picachu, a Cairn terrier.

She's just cute.

Unlike Piper.

This move is called Bringing Madness On my Enemies
Looks like it works.




In this space here is supposed to be video of me and Tweed doing a Master's Snookers run from this afternoon at the L&B trial in Cloverdale. Unfortunately, the video camera was so repulsed by our performance that it corrupted the video.

Admittedly, it was not the prettiest of runs. I do not think on my feet super well at the best of times, and when Tweed bailed off the 6 point teeter in the opening I kinda mad-panicked and threw myself on the mercy of some nearby weave poles. It was a mess.

Messy or not, it didn't stop us from getting TWEED'S AGILITY TRIAL CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Five years of hard work and money down the toilet, but today we did it! Tweed is now, proudly, the first ATChed dog of Food Lady.

Good dog Tweed!!!