Thursday, June 26, 2008

This one never gets old ...

"What?"


"Oh f*ck. Not again."

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!!

(there was no jelly involved in the making of this post. I merely wanted to give you an earworm that just won't quit . Because I'm generous like that.)


Srsly, this shit is so funny it doesn't even need captions.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh but wait ... there's more:

omg! omg! lol!

and:

Piper has PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY TIME!) shame. She is totally shy about her peanut butter faces.

But if you keep shooting ...


Eventually you snapz the funny:

Woo is even funnier though.

WTF? Peanut Butter Zen Face? Or maybe the speed of his licker is causing turbulence?


hee hee hee hee hee!

Tweed's a pretty close second! Fat tongue! Fat tongue!



Lest you think I am torturing my dogs for my own (and your) amusement ... PROOF! They do this to themselves:

"I can haz PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY TIME!!!)?"

Nom.nom.nom.nom.nom


And just a couple of my favourites from this session:


Mr. T

The Double-You:

Princess of Power!


"Tonight ... you die."

And don't forget ....


IT'S PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!! PEANUT BUTTER (JELLY) TIME!!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Did Someone Call Tweed A Studmuffin?

...?

I'm trying to figure out what's stud-muffinly about him. Is it the "I-think-I-need-to-sneeze" expression on his face? Perhaps it is the wiener-like proportions of his funny little Aussie body? Or the dreads he's sporting in his bum feathers (filthy hippy!)?


Could it be that he is too-sexy-for-this-blog, too-sexy-for-this-blog?

I think we need a close-up of this, a la B13:

As Melanie has pointed out, Tweed has creepy human lips. And now I notice he has creepy human teeth too.

********

Carol totally wants to kiss Tweed. SMOOCHEROONIE YOO-HOO!!

********

Maybe it's just the poise, grace and charming suaveness he carries with him everywhere?
(you need to click on this and make it LARGE to get the full effect of his tongue. Trust me on this.)


I asked Piper if she thought Tweed was sexy and she said:

"I got chills, they're multiplyin' ... and I'm losin' control .... PYSCH! Throw the ball, beeatch, before I Mad Teeth (tm) you right in the knee cap."

Grrr. Mad Teeth (tm)

Today's guest photo is of a Springer Spaniel who NEVERSTOPPEDRUNNING from one side of the beach to the other. I don't get it when people say "Oh border collies have so much energy" and then I see some sort of hunting breed go flying past us about 40 trillion times. Give me a laid back BC any day, thanks!

"I'm goin! I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm goin! I'm goin'! I'm goin'!"

"I'm goin! I'm goin'! I'm goin'! Get out of my way, border collie! I'm goin! I'm goin'!"

"Here I go! I'm totally going! OMG, this is so much fun!"

Woo was all "Le sigh. Le insane dog. Meh."

And what would a beach blog entry be without a Big Air photo of Wootie?

***********

So it looks like I'll be heading down to Seattle sometime in the next few weeks to shoot some more dogs. If you are in the Seattle area and are interested in booking a shoot, let me know - I'm only heading down for the day so will have a limited amount of time, but don't mind squeezing another session or two in. Feel free to send me an email if you're interested!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Seniors Are Sexy

Today I had a photo shoot scheduled for two of my favourite older dogs; Gus and Charissa. Gus and Charissa were both adopted through TDBCR and I have 'shot' Charissa before. Charissa was diagnosed with cancer a year or two ago, but she is the Timex of border collies - she takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!

Gus and Charissa's owners say that G & C are like an old married couple that have nothing to say to one another anymore ... they live in harmony, but totally ignore each other. Ah, wedded bliss.

A couple of my favourites from today's session:

Miss Charissa, looking fabulous at, I think, 13 years old

Mr. Go Go Gadget Gus, who is maybe 9 or 10 years old but never.stops.running.

I will put more photos of this lovely old couple up on my flickr account later this week.

--------------------

Mr. Woo wants you to know that sand tastes shitty.


Piper wants you to know that when Woo does this, it futhermuckin' hurts, and that's why she makes Mad Teeth (tm):


Tweed wants you to admire his super powerful physique


And this is a cute puppy ... because everyone likes a cute puppy!

Ha ha. Funny tongue.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Are You There doG? It's Me, Food Lady.

(AKA - Diary of a Regionals competitor)

Day 1: Set Up

Food Lady says:

"Yay! Gas is 15 cents a litre cheaper in Abbotsford!"

--------------------------

Day 2: First Round of Competition, as narrated by Tweed:

GAMBLERS:
The objective is to collect as many points in the opening sequence as possible by doing as many high point obstacles as possible, then to perform a predetermined closing sequence at a distance from the handler within a very short period of time.

Tweed's Interpretation: IT'S THE ALL WEAVES, ALL THE TIME GAME! The Food Lady says "Tunnel!" and I do some weaves! She says "FRAME!" and I do some more weaves! She hollers "Walk it Tweed!" But I prefer to weave! Until she tells me "Weave" - then I opt to stand in the middle of the ring and go:

BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK.

(Editor's note: We were unable to find a photograph of Tweed barking before this issue of 3WAAW went to press, so the following is a reasonable facsimile; AKA, Lars barking)


In the closing sequence, I shoot out of the tunnel, turn on a dime like a rockstar, and shoot back in the tunnel. Yes, I was supposed to do a jump, not go back in the tunnel, but that was the fastest way back to THE WEAVES!!

Total points for Gamblers: Not sure, but I think they must have been tallied in potty mouthed curse words, if The Food Lady was demonstrating correctly.

~~~~~~~~~

JUMPERS:
A fast paced game where winners are sometimes defined by 10ths of a second. All jumps and tunnels, this is a tight, quick game of skill and speed.

Tweed's Interpretation: Today, I feel like stopping to smell the roses. What's everyone in such a rush for? It's a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the Food Lady is turning several pretty shades of pink .... I'm having a nice, relaxed Zen afternoon. I'm going to stroll around the course, and I might wander off now and then if something catches my fancy. I'm not worried about "breaking the plane of the jumps" but I am a little bit worried about the Food Lady "breaking my neck" - if I'm hearing her correctly.

Total points for Jumpers: 65 out of 75, but barely squeaking in under the time limit. Two 5 point refusals for breaking the plane of jumps.

~~~~~~~~~~~

STANDARD: A game that demonstrates the well rounded skill of dog and handler, involving at least one pass of virtually every piece of equipment in the sport.

Tweed's Intepretation: (With apologies to Elisha and Radar) FREESTYLE! I am exhilarated! I'm on fire! I'm racing through the course and taking tunnel entrances on a whim! I'm touching pieces of equipment with one paw if it moves me to do so! I am a free spirit, a pixie, a butterfly in the theory of chaos, a --my goodness!! WHY must the Food Lady be so foul mouthed???

Total Points for Standard: 55 out of 100 possible points. TWO - not one, but TWO - 20-point-faults for off courses (taking obstacles that were NOT EVEN CLOSE TO CORRECT!!!) and a refusal for the going around, rather than over, a jump.

SATURDAY'S FINAL TALLY:

Tweed's Imminent Retirement.
We need at least 175 points per day to get the 350 points necessary for a Nationals Qualifying score. We are nowhere near 175 points. The Food Lady is outraged.

(Editor's note: Piper has kindly agreed to do an artistic interpretation of Tweed's Saturday performance, with a piece titled

'FAiL!'
)


------------------------------



Day 3: Final Round of Competition, as narrated by The Food Lady:

"Are you there doG? It's me, Food Lady. I need some help, doG. I need you give me back my Masters Level competition dog, as someone has stolen him and replaced him with a very stupid, slow and disobedient ringer. And if you cannot make this happen, then please grant me the patience necessary to not throttle, eviscerate and then set-on-fire this fat back-talking animal that I am forced to team up with. Thank you doG, and Amen."

JUMPERS: "Holy shit, Tweed is on fire!" - 83.5 points out of 75 possible points (8.5 bonus time points over and above the CLEAN RUN)

STANDARD: "WTF? Where did this dog come from?" 95 out of 100 possible points, for one bobble in the weave poles; otherwise, a precise and FAST round.

GAMBLERS: (Stunned silence) He earned 40 points in the opening sequence alone, and then went on to successfully complete the gamble, scoring a total of almost 80 points.

THE END RESULT:

Tweed qualifies for Nationals with something like 405 points for the weekend.

Tweed takes 2nd place in the 16" Specials Jumpers class on Sunday.

Tweed takes 6th place in the 16" Specials Gamblers class on Sunday.

Tweed gets to live to see another trial.



This is the first year in all our years of competing at Regionals that Tweed has placed in the top 6 of any of his classes, and he did it in not 1 but 2 categories. In the end, his "good" day sort of canceled out his "bad" day and he ended up somewhere in the middle of his class with a 14th place finish. Had he run both days like he ran on Sunday, Tweed would've for sure been on the podium. But I am so proud of him.

I'm mad at all of you though. Clearly, you forgot en masse to send juju and ((((((luck))))) and shit on Saturday, as this is the only possible explanation for his dismal performance that day! ;-)

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I know you all come to the blog to see photos, not listen to me ramble, so here are a few photos from today's celebratory dog beach trip.

Today was an episode of Friends.

We saw Auntie Fiona and her doggies

Tempus (scary):

Toby (sweetie):

and Rogue (gimme!):

And we ran into Cookie Uncle, and Lars and Bear.

Bear makes really good shaking faces. We had no idea until today. It's like he's going "Ouch. OMG. My brain. Ow. This really hurts."

He and Lars are getting along fabulously.

And their friends Tippy and Cooper were along as well. Cooper is Piper's Doppelganger, except he is a smidge taller, his ears go floppy, and he doesn't do Devil Spins. Otherwise, he's the same as her:


This is my favourite photo from today, of a "Puggle" and a Boston Terrier:

They were so cute! Until they started having Secksy Time all over the beach. It was positively pornographic. The shame!


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

SHARE YOUR MONKEY!!

I know, I know - WTF? Crazy Food Lady ...

Before we begin, this is a shout out to Nancy and her dogs who want to be as cool as us. The problem is, they may in fact be cooler than us. We don't own any blue plastic wigs and we're getting the Green Feeling.

*note to self - go wig shopping.*


AND NOW, BACK TO MONKEYSHARE!


Piper has a monkey on her back.


Ha Ha.

So I found this guy in the laundry room yesterday, on the "Free" table. He looked nice, all cute freckles and shizzat, so I brought him home with me.

As soon as I walked in the door, Woo started making a noise that can only be translated thusly:

OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!
OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!OMG!GIMMETHEMONKEY!

Etc.

I was all, "Wootie, don't touch the monkey, I want to take some photos of it."

And he was all, "Fuck it. I'm takin' the monkey."

So I put the monkey on top of the deep freeze.


And then Wootie was like, "Phhbbtttt, like that's gonna stop me, mama. I said I iz takin' the damn monkey!"

"GIMME BACK THE MONKEY, WOO!"

"NO!!!"

And then came The Enforcer (tm) and with some Monkey Mad Teeth (tm) she took over.

Not to be deterred, Mr. Woo recruited the Red Army for help. In no time at all, we had...

MONKEY THREE-WAY!!


The result of these hijinks?

ZOMG!!!

RIP Freckley Monkey Dude.


Noods and The Gang in Our New Favourite Park out in Ladner

Jenn And Lu, personifying ... Jenn and Lu:

Wish us luck! This weekend we'll be at the AAC Regionals in Matsqui trying for another qualifying year for Nationals. Mr. Gimpy's on-again-off-again limp has been mostly absent for a couple of weeks now, and we've done all the training catch-up we can do, so now all that's left is prayer, juju and other internet type well wishing from his fans.

See you next week, blog readers!