Well THAT Was Embarrassing ( a no photos entry)

Today Wootie gave me a lesson in Utter Humiliation.

Some back-story - I am a horribly decadent consumer, something I am trying to change, so when I set out to buy Wootie a new Fifa (tm) I wanted to get a used one ... why buy a brand new soccer ball for the dog? Recycling a Fifa (tm) seemed like a good, earth friendly, and cheaper idea. Only when I went to the Used Sporting Goods store, their soccer balls were $25.00 apiece. Ouch.

So today on the way to Spanish Banks Extension, I stopped at the Dollar Store and bought Mr. Woo a $7.00 soccer ball. The massive price difference justified my purchase choice.

It's been a long time since we had a Fifa (tm) so Woo was really excited. He barkscreamed (tm) all the way from the parking lot to the ocean. I gave the soccer ball a mighty boot and sent it into the water. Wootie promptly followed ....

... and swam away until he was a little dot in the sea.

I kept calling and calling him, but a) Wootie does not listen at the best of times and b) he wouldn't leave his new Fifa (tm) out there. The problem with the cheap-ass dollar store soccer ball is that it's made of rubber, not leather or whatever it is good soccer balls are made of. It's more like a basketball. It was all ridiculously inflated, like rock solid. So Woo had nothing to grab on the ball. And every time he tried to get the ball in his mouth, his jaw pressure would send it shooting away. Eventually, he'd been swimming for a good 15 straight minutes and I could barely see him.

I was starting to think I was going to have to strip down to my underwear and go get him. This is problematic because:

a) no one really needs to see me in my underpants
b)I can't really swim (I can do something my friends call "Food Lady Is Not Drowning" but I cannot actually swim) and
c) even if I could, I can't swim in water where I can't see the bottom. Call it a phobia if you want to.

The end result - I figured Woo was just going to have to drown.

So the lifeguard came to Woo's rescue. He got in his little rowboat and rowed allll the way out and picked up Fifa (tm) and then started following Woo - Woo thought he was being chased by a Mean Boat With Ill Intentions, so he swam back to shore as fast as he could.

Everyone.On.The.Beach.Was.Laughing. Out loud. A Lot.

I was totally embarrassed. But props where props are due, so thanks to the Lifeguard at Spanish Banks today who rescued my soccer ball.

*le sigh*

Oh and afterward the soccer ball died. On the way back to the car, Piper and her Mighty Mad Teeth (tm) popped the sucker and killed it. My $7.00 soccer ball last approximately 84 minutes from purchase to death. The joke is on me, I guess.

I threw it in the garbage at the park. Then I loaded some dogs in the car and when I turned to call Wootie, he was up on his hindlegs trying to open the garbage can lid and get his new beloved Fifa (tm) back. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.

And I had no camera with me today!!

Tomorrow - we go drop $25 big ones in a decent Fifa 9tm).

Check back this weekend folks - I will have both photos of fireworks and Critical Mass to share with you all.