Friday, July 25, 2008

Well THAT Was Embarrassing ( a no photos entry)

Today Wootie gave me a lesson in Utter Humiliation.

Some back-story - I am a horribly decadent consumer, something I am trying to change, so when I set out to buy Wootie a new Fifa (tm) I wanted to get a used one ... why buy a brand new soccer ball for the dog? Recycling a Fifa (tm) seemed like a good, earth friendly, and cheaper idea. Only when I went to the Used Sporting Goods store, their soccer balls were $25.00 apiece. Ouch.

So today on the way to Spanish Banks Extension, I stopped at the Dollar Store and bought Mr. Woo a $7.00 soccer ball. The massive price difference justified my purchase choice.

It's been a long time since we had a Fifa (tm) so Woo was really excited. He barkscreamed (tm) all the way from the parking lot to the ocean. I gave the soccer ball a mighty boot and sent it into the water. Wootie promptly followed ....

... and swam away until he was a little dot in the sea.

I kept calling and calling him, but a) Wootie does not listen at the best of times and b) he wouldn't leave his new Fifa (tm) out there. The problem with the cheap-ass dollar store soccer ball is that it's made of rubber, not leather or whatever it is good soccer balls are made of. It's more like a basketball. It was all ridiculously inflated, like rock solid. So Woo had nothing to grab on the ball. And every time he tried to get the ball in his mouth, his jaw pressure would send it shooting away. Eventually, he'd been swimming for a good 15 straight minutes and I could barely see him.

I was starting to think I was going to have to strip down to my underwear and go get him. This is problematic because:
a) no one really needs to see me in my underpants
b)I can't really swim (I can do something my friends call "Food Lady Is Not Drowning" but I cannot actually swim) and
c) even if I could, I can't swim in water where I can't see the bottom. Call it a phobia if you want to.

The end result - I figured Woo was just going to have to drown.

So the lifeguard came to Woo's rescue. He got in his little rowboat and rowed allll the way out and picked up Fifa (tm) and then started following Woo - Woo thought he was being chased by a Mean Boat With Ill Intentions, so he swam back to shore as fast as he could.

Everyone.On.The.Beach.Was.Laughing. Out loud. A Lot.

I was totally embarrassed. But props where props are due, so thanks to the Lifeguard at Spanish Banks today who rescued my soccer ball.

*le sigh*

Oh and afterward the soccer ball died. On the way back to the car, Piper and her Mighty Mad Teeth (tm) popped the sucker and killed it. My $7.00 soccer ball last approximately 84 minutes from purchase to death. The joke is on me, I guess.

I threw it in the garbage at the park. Then I loaded some dogs in the car and when I turned to call Wootie, he was up on his hindlegs trying to open the garbage can lid and get his new beloved Fifa (tm) back. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen.

And I had no camera with me today!!

Tomorrow - we go drop $25 big ones in a decent Fifa 9tm).

Check back this weekend folks - I will have both photos of fireworks and Critical Mass to share with you all.


Julie Waslo said...

Awww, poor Woo! What a great visual you gave us of the entire event! I was laughing out loud reading! And then him trying to look inside the trash can! Poor Woo!!!

Anonymous said...

Heeeee hee hee hee hee! Poor Wootie!

You musta been frantic at first, and embarassed later. Glad all turned out with only $32 out of pocket and a healthy, if frustrated, Woo.

Sport vibes,

Jean said...

BWAHHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh my, even without photos, the visuals are great! First poor Woo chasing that ball out to sea, then the lifeguard chasing Woo back in, and then Woo trying to get his ball back from the nasty garbage can! Thanks for the great laugh!

B said...

Poor Woo. I'm glad you're breaking down and getting him a new fifa.


Anonymous said...

And this is the day you forget your camera????


Once again, you had me snorting liquids (red wine is NOT pleasant for this. Actually, not much is, but red wine seems to be particularly noxious. Thx.)

Go buy Woo the real thing. Or he can come play with Kat's disappearing & reappearing soccer ball. Kid you not, it comes and goes in my yard in mysterious ways. I think it's possessed.

tualizzy said...

But was the lifeguard cute?

Fiona said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!! Omigawd, I'd have paid to see that.

Was the lifeguard at least cute....?

Sweet~Ceana said...

I am surprised Woo does not try to keep all FIFAs from a watery grave. I am glad to hear he is ok and that you did not have to strip down to your underwear to save him. Although, you never know... there could have been a good looking man on a bike wanting to help a woman in her underwear save her dog.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! That is hysterical!! I laughed so hard I cried...

Molly said...

Thankfully you describe it well enough that it's funny even without pictures!

You've been nominated for an award:

Anonymous said...

I too laughed out loud with this story, your visual description makes it easy to imagine the scene unfolding. Here in Australia our lifeguards have their own tv shows and with all their varied rescues I have yet to see any soccer balls or dogs involved! Glad yours ended well. Did Woo sleep well after all that swimming?
Oz girls.

Ann said...

OMG, what a visual. I just sprayed diet coke all over my monitor. Glad Woo is ok and you didn't have to take a swim in your underpants.

b13 said...

Piper popped it for fear that Woo would leave again... Poor, poor wooty!

Rossie said...

I would have been so worried!

Buzz thinks that all the best soccer balls are popped soccer balls...actually, we have to stab new ones when we get them or he can't get his mouth on them or off them with any style. He also likes to ritualistically strip off the outside layer or leather or vinyl or whatever.

Buzz likes the kid size soccer balls, which run about $8 at Kmart or Target.

Biggie-Z said...

Good thing it was only embarrassing and not tragic! But we all want to know if the lifeguard was cute?? Maybe you need to go back and get a picture so a) we can all judge and b) so he can get proper props/thanks form your readers too. But mainly a).

And maybe you could rig up a casting pole to a Fifa so you could reel Mr. Woo in if necessary.

Fenway said...

So let me get this straight.....the lifeguard rescued the Wootie Toy and let Woo swim his way back????!!!!!.

BTW, my BC also likes his soccer balls naked—has field day stripping off the vinyl coating.

Natalie said...

LMAO!! Oh now that's funny. Poor Woo.

Woof Factory said...

OMG WOO I am laughing so hard and at the same time so glad you made it back to shore!

The Border Collies said...

I am so glad you are all so amused by my humiliation!! Super! Thanks!

LOL :)

I am trying to avoid saying something unkind about the kind lifeguard who saved Fifa (tm) (and by extension, Wootie) so let me just say that "he's not my type." I did make a point of going over to thank him again before I left, but that's it!!

Piper likes dead soccer balls (inflated ones Make Her Angry) but Woo likes dead one as much as alive ones. Dead ones don't float though, and swimming was the goal we were trying to achieve yesterday. It was so sad, watching him try to climb into the closed garbage can to get his beloved ball.

We did not get around to picking him up a new one today, but will try tomorrow. I promise to bring the camera this time!

Unknown said...

Oh, no, poor Wootie - now he gets a new Fifa (tm) buddy, and now it's gone in the mighty Ocean, now the mean lifeguard kidnaps his new friend and chases poor Woo to the shore, then his room-mate kills it, and then his Food Lady prematurly burries it in the garbage can - he could still hear it call his name :))))

I can understand your worries seeing Woo morph into a lil' floating dot. Ouzo scared me once swimming in a big reservoir to chase some floating geese, who insisted on flying "just" out of reach and then landing again on the water ahead of him, repeating this just a dozen times!

How could you leave your camera home?!?!? I understand not taking it out of the bag to use it, but going to the beach with the (almost) 4 BCs and no camera, that's sacrilege!

Can't wait to see Woo happy with a new Fifa (tm)!

2halves said...

If one of my dogs did that, I would have been scared shitless. If someone else's dog did that and that dog happened to be named Mr. Woo and that owner was standing on busy beach yelling...MR. WOOOOOOO....I would have wet my pants.

Even better if there was swearing involved.


Tracy Carter said...

I would also have wet my pants.

Did you add the Mr., or were you just calling, "WOOOOOO!"...? It'll help me visualize.

Anonymous said...

What a great story!!!

My BC strips the leather off her soccer ball and then pops it...the latest ball is lying dead and naked in our yard...she still plays with the thing every day!

Anonymous said...

Be of good cheer, it could have been worse. We threw a plastic peanut butter jar into the water.. who knew plastic peanut butter jars are just the wrong size for a dog jaw? Yes, well, in case you're tempted, they are.

And what self respecting dog is going to abandon a peanut butter jar?


It was a very wet ride home.