Friday, September 18, 2009

Can't take him anywhere

Vancouver's summer is bidding us adieu for another year, so we're taking advantage of the precious few nice days left to enjoy some swimming. Today we went to Trout Lake.

I was very excited when we got there, as the first thing Woo did was swim out to the Floating Log with no prompting whatsoever. "Yay!" I thought, "He remembers our last photo and training session!"

I should have been suspicious as soon as he gave me this look.

Because after sniffing up and down the length of the log, he then did this:

WTF? Why me? Why do *I* have the ONLY dog in the world who takes a crap on a floating log, in a lake, surrounded by grass?

Yay! I have humiliated The Food Lady! Off to find something else to do!

OMG don't make me get on this thing. I saw what Woo did!

*sigh* I hate you.

But I WUV you! Did you see me take a dump on that log? LOL!

He's tainted the whole lake. Yuck. I feel dirty.

Piper missed The Great Log Incident of '09 because I was holding the bag of tennis balls, and she was doing this:


It's a good day to be alive.

What? What? What did Tweed just say? The lake is tainted??

Oh dude. So gross. I don't think I should get in here ...

She eventually jumped in, but Log Dog was waiting for her.

(*cue JAWS theme music*)

Come 'ere Piper, I'm gonna taint you too!

Gross! Get outta here Woo! You're disgusting!

(Poor Piper. Little brother suck)

I'm going to go play on the field, which Woo has not defiled.

Woo is a dirty dog. In so many ways! Last week we went for a hike with the very lovely Rivet.

It wasn't raining, and most of the route is gravel paths. Nevertheless, Wootie still ended up looking like this:

Who's a disgusting, filthy, rotten little stuffed pillow of a dog? Who is it? Who?

Me! It's me!

Well it's not me. So take your stinkin' camera and ...

TWEED! Language, mister!

Yeah, sorry. Whatever.

And we know it's not my pretty, precious little princess.

*blink, blink*

I'm feeling generous toward Piper these days, can you tell? I am very proud of my little snuggle snookums. In our agility class (you know, the one lorded over by The Sadist, who btw has taken up the habit of menacing us Stupid Humans with a broom, or a spare jump pole. It's ominous, because he's German, so he sounds scary even when he's happy) we have to do Very Mean Things, like run courses from the Worlds agility competitions and such. And last night in class, Piper successfully completed a challenging course, 20 obstacles without a refusal, without a bar down, without missing a contact etc. I almost threw a party for her, I was so pleased!

That's right. I'm da bomb. You may now refer to me by my new nickname, Greased Lightning.

You like her better than me now, don't you? I may as well just end it all, right now, on these train tracks. This photo is totally not posed. I swear.

Oh of course not Tweed. I love you both equally. And at least twice as much as Filthy Woo.

What? Come on, give us a kiss.
Blech.

Hello there. Excuse me? Can you help me find a Schnauzer blog? I think I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere...

17 comments:

Josephine- said...

Thanks to all, even dirty Woo. I really needed that laugh. :)

fulltiltbcs said...

OH my gosh...I have been following your blog for a while and I just about died seeing Woo on that log...my stomach hurts from laughing so hard!!!!! LOVE IT!

StefRobrts said...

Right out in the middle where the whole park could see you! OMG! What a BAD dog LOL!

BTW, I think 'Rivet' is the coolest name I've heard for a dog in a long time.

Buzz's Food Lady said...

so good!

Alphamutt said...

I love the photo of Tweed on the railroad tracks. I was a little afraid that Dudley WOOright might cross over to the dark side and tie Tweed to the tracks, but Greased Lightning would have saved him. Probably. Maybe. well sorta likely. Tweed is absolutely one of the sweetest dogs I know. I'm smitten....

Benny and Lily said...

BOL...BOL....
When ya gotta go....you gotta go. Lily likes to take one in the middle of parking lots. Not me..
Benny & Lily

Tatyana said...

okay usually i can hold my composure but today Woo totally made me laugh. Srsly who would think to swim out to a log in the middle of a lake to take a crap on it? That mud's pretty impressive too. Did it do wonders for his complexion? ;)

Julia said...

Thats a bad dog, but not near as bad as the time I took my dog to the beach, he ran out into the ocean full of swimmers around him and POOPED in the ocean. All the swimmers came screaming out!

riosmom said...

Thanks for starting yet another day with a smile. Woo is something else for sure. Congratulations to the Princess on becoming a real agility dog.

Linda said...

HAHA! Great photos of the mud! I love it!

And for the record, Gerhard is Austrian ;)

Did you know that a certain Nazi dictator was also born in Austria? I hope he hasn't had you guys goose stepping after class! I keep telling him not to...

Carol said...

Yay, Woo! You might have had a poop story to top Nikki's! Except you didn't. Alas.

To preface Nikker's poop story, let's point out that she rides behind the rear seat in our station wagon. Being a BC, she likes to run one way to look over the back seat, then the other way to look out the back window. Over and over, and over and over, especially on the way to the park.

So one day, doG knows why, she takes a crap. In the back of the wagon. Where she is running back and forth. And back and forth. First we think someone farted. Gee, they farted big time! Oh, SHIT!@#$ Nikki crapped in the car!

It took 3 hours, a sixteen bath towels, a scrub brush, a package of Qtips, and several buckets of soapy water to scrub all the shit out of the carpet, back seat, vent openings, crevasses, etc.

I must say, my love for her took a few days vacation at that point. (And we bought two smaller crates, one for her and one for Gizmo, so we could fit two crates in the wagon. Once was more than enough.)

The Border Collies said...

"And for the record, Gerhard is Austrian ;)"

Yeah but that doesn't work as well with the Scary Teacher thing ... who's afraid of Austrians??

Anonymous said...

This was your funniest posting ever. I can't stop laughing. I'm not sur if it was Mr Woo's muddy face, your German comments or the extra glass of wine for me.... but still.... very funny! with great photos. I love your blog!!

Barbara said...

If it is possible, I heart Woo even more! He's awesome!

Jean said...

Aww Woo, you can come live with me. I won't make fun of you for doing clever tricks like poop-on-a-log or having a mud bath. And my four are all very laid back and won't fight you for any toys or anything. You can be da boss!

b13 said...

OMG! LMAO! That made my day :)

Zyra said...

So... were you the responsible dog owner and scoop the poop? LOL
That's hilarious!