Friday, March 06, 2009

What are you, some kind of genius?


Have you ever tried these contraptions for your dogs? The "Leos" by Canine Genius are tricky magical cookie dispensers designed to evilly toy with the K9 mind, or at least that ballcookieeatscritch space between their ears.

My dogs come to work with me nearly every day, and they sometimes get a bit bored, since I won't let them answer the phone. So I dug the Leos out of the toy basket and brought them to the office for some doggie distraction.

Mmmm. Genius tastes good.

Woo may not be a genius, but he has a lot of sproing. He at least aspires to genius level.

Tweed is, simply, not a genius.

What?

Of my 3 dogs, only Piper has reached genius level. She can empty her Leo in about .071 seconds. Give her three minutes, and some Mad Teeth (tm) ...

... and she can empty Mr. Woo's and Tweed's Leos as well.

She says there are cookies in here.

Mrfghhh! Come out come out cookie!

Half a second before The Barkscream of Frustration that scared all my coworkers:

Piper really is a genius. She gets her entire lower jaw jammed into the "X" and then waggles the Leo around until all the cookies basically fall onto her conveyor belt of a tongue.

Tweed chases his Leo all over the office with his nose, hoping it will get scared enough to shit cookies.

Mr. Woo comes to me and whines - "remove cookies for Wootie consumption please Food Lady"- and Piper empties his Leo behind his back.

It's a ton of entertainment. You know, for me.

But Wootie is a genius when it comes to being cute at lunch time.

Are you going to eat that?

I think he's going to eat that. Bummer.

You're a genius Piper. High five!

On another topic ...

While I think it's great that all of you nice people love critters great and small, I think it's kind of less great that some of you assume the worst and feel the need to waggle your morality finger at The Food Lady. Listen folks, MC Hamster is in no danger from my dogs and I'm kinda miffed that anyone would suggest otherwise.

I suppose some of you have not figured this out yet, but a surprising percentage of my photos are - *gasp* - set ups for the purpose of the photo session. Contrary to what some of you might believe, my dogs do not wear hats all the time and/or of their own volition. They do not really see dead people. Mr. Woo's tail did not actually come with its own name. To whit - "Hamster TV" is a convenient prop for some fun entries, but Hammy is never in any danger. Period. Full stop. End of story.

Hammy's cage sits on a shelf that is not accessible by dogs; the doors are held extra-securely shut by clips I purchased for that purpose and the cage itself is bungie-corded to the shelf so that it cannot be knocked down by any beast.

When I take photos of the dogs standing on the coffee table staring at Hammy, I put a squeaky ball behind the cage to generate doggie interest for the photo ops. When Hammy is out in his ball, the dogs are in a downstay on the sofa and not allowed to touch the ball, or there is a babygate up. Piper put her paw on the ball ONCE for the purposes of the photo because I asked her "Where's the ball?". And my "small animal killing" dog Mr. Woo is the least interested in Hammy of the 3 dogs, because Mr. Woo is kind enough to know that animals that live in our house, like cats and hamsters, are not for consumption. My - ahem - 'terrified' hamster has, on his own steam, walked all over my dogs on the sofa and lived to tell the tale.

So please folks, rein it in okay? It kind of takes the magic out of the entries if I have to qualify that I am not an animal-killing sadist every time I make one. I adopted little hammyman because I wanted a pet that would fill up his funny little cheeks with enormous piles of food. I did not get him specifically to torment him, or the dogs.

Except, you know, for the one time I stuck him in the Canine Genius Leo and let the dogs go to town.
Kidding, kidding! Yeesh.


37 comments:

Molly said...

Your co-worker is KEY-YUTE!

And what moron actually thinks you're going to let your dogs eat your hamster?

BrittBeah said...

I love that the person pointing fingers has dvm on their screen name. Must be with peta :)

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, I wondered when the humor-less people were going to arrive. Unbeknownst to me, they were already here. Ignore them Food Lady! Your real audience knows the deal!

Robin in MT

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

You know, people with Autism Spectrum disorders, like Asberger's, don't pick up on subtle cues and humor. Maybe that's their problem; yeah, that's it!

StefRobrts said...

Your photos are wonderful, your commentary is hilareous, and your dogs are gorgeous! I love it! Thanks for sharing them with us! Now I'm going to go get a Leo to take to work with me and my dog because he also gets bored and I've heard the occasional Barkscream of frustration when he's had enough and has to tell me about it!

Buzz's Food Lady said...

I have a poster in my kitchen that reads "Save the humorless" ... want a copy? : )

Buzz, by the way has one of these genius toys and he tries to get to the treats by whipping it against they wall as hard as possible. Ruh-roh!

Corey said...

It's just sad that some people have had to have their sense of humor surgically removed for one reason or another...or maybe this particular 'dvm' found this blog while Googling 'border collie hamster torture photographs' and assumed the worst. Either way, it's nice that the majority of responses have been from people who know perfectly well that little Mr. GreenEggsAndHammy was never in any kind of danger!

dp said...

Worse things have happened to hamsters if my friends in ER are to be believed.

Andrea said...

Love your photos and commentary!! Wish I could take my Sophie to work with me. :)

dw said...

I LOVE your blog and dig your dogs!

But one thing.....

Are you SURE that they don't see dead people?

Emma Rose said...

Your blog is my favorite. You are so very talented and I always look forward to your next post. I find it hard to believe anyone would get the wrong idea unless they have no sense of humor. Anyway, thanks for a great blog. All of us here at the castle would love to be able to take pictures as good as yours. (Maybe someday we'll buy a "real" camera, ha!)

jane said...

Mr. Woo's tail did not actually come with its own name.
****************************************

Whaaaaat? I just looked in the dictionary under "Flamboyance" and there was a picture of Mr. Woo's tail!

Some people are just so uptight! Sounds like Rodent DVM doesn't have enough patients and has to send time online looking at pictures of rodents.

manymuddypaws said...

i was thinking the same thing about your coworker....

and some people just don't get it. but those of who do, still think you are one of the most funny people in the blog-o-sphere...

Jean said...

Oohhhh, I have to get one of those toys! Charley cleans out a kong far too quickly - this looks like much more of a challenge.

Love the photos and captions, as always (AND the hammy series in your previous post!).

Anonymous said...

Hey people - it's just not true! I have seen her dogs and the only time they are without a hat on their heads is when they run agility! Are those cookie dispensers tougher than the Kong? We need more of a challenge so may search them out - where to buy?
Mary & the Awful Aussies

andrea said...

I'm kind of disappointed that you felt the need to explain yourself to the humourless and sanctimonious, but I understand why you did it. You can stop now, though, and let them all bitch amongst themselves. And they will! :)

Anonymous said...

"Tweed chases his Leo all over the office with his nose, hoping it will get scared enough to shit cookies."

I about choked when I read this. Serious coughing fit ensued. No more reading your blog while consuming food.

2halves said...

The girls have their breakfast in their Leos every morning. Love those things! It's funny how they develop their own dispensing styles. Bella picks it up by the bottom and bounces it, Kate grabs the neck and tips it back and fourth. If Kate can figure it out, any dog can!

Minnie-Moo (Rescue Lab) said...

Hello, we've just found your blog and are enjoying the photos. I don't think we have that toy in the UK, Muzzle hasn't seen it.

Minnie-Moo
xxx

Anonymous said...

Laugh-out-loud funny! I love your blog. Thanks.

3aussiemom said...

Good grief!!
People are stupid, Food Lady, so just ignore them & continue to amuse those of us with a sense of humor.
And...Tweed does not have to be smart cuz he's so handsome. So there.

Anonymous said...

geez never knew hammy tv would cause such a stir....
more importantly I'm amazed your Leos are still around. Our two Leos split right at the "X" part in the first day.

Fenway said...

Fenway assumed Master Genius Level when he solved the puzzle of that Canine Genius toy and simply BIT OFF THE NECK.

I wrote a tongue-in-cheek complaint letter to the Canine Genius company and told them that my 8 month old border collie outsmarted it in about 5 minutes. They kindly sent a replacement!

doberkim said...

i just want to clarify that while i am a dvm, and i do treat rodents, i am not the person that commented there. you don't want to see what its like when i have the rabbit or the rats out at my house and the dobers start the stalking :)

and yes, the coworker is super-cute.

MalaysianFan said...

Using a hapless hamster to bait your predatory pets is the least of your worries, Food Lady -- the bigger risk is killing off your fans. Oh, I am deadly serious here. Look at the number of comments from readers who have nearly choked to death on food or drink whilst reading 3WAAW. You'd best take out some sort of liability insurance. Humor kills.

Finnegan Dowling said...

Dear Sick Hamster-Tormentin Freak,

Is this some kind of variation on the raw diet? The live hamsters? You should rot in hell!!

No, honestly, I love those Leo things. Though all of my dogs except Merc are too slow to really get into them. Thib-a-don't ate one once.

Merc won the "worst thing ever done with an interactive toy" prize when she broke a wall by repeatedly slamming a buster cube against it many moons ago.

Dog is the frickin' devil.

F.

Natalie said...

Oh my, you seriously had to explain that you do not allow your dogs to stalk and kill the hamster? Good grief. I shouldn't be surprized by that, though.

Amyinseattle said...

Always wondered about those Leo toys! Thanks for the review FoodLady! :)

Barbara said...

I don't care what anyone else says, I love your wicked sense of humor.

Don't change a thing! (Other than sending Woo to me ;-)

Barbara & the bedlams pack

Laura said...

My son's chinchilla terrorizes 2 of our Border Collies too. They'll be innocently sleeping and he sneaks up, looks at them-we say "Gizmo leave the dog alone!" And then he runs across the top of them and scares them awake.

Laura

Giggler said...

Can't believe you had to explain that!

happypitbull said...

LOL @ MalaysianFan. I was thinking the same thing. This blog is so funny it's hazardous to one's health. I frequently laugh so hard I cannot breathe.

insanedogowner said...

Ok - another "snorter" - Thanks Food Lady!

I have a wild bunny (that I have named Bernard) who has voluntarily chosen to live in my yard with nine predators (aka dogs.) He is either (a) the brightest bunny in the world because no one else will come into this yard, hence he is safe or (b) the dumbest bunny in the world (see above, notice the sheer number of predators.) Whenever I see Bernard out (while the dogs are out) I yell "Run Bunny Run!" or "Run Bernard Run!" So far so good - no bunny parts around the yard yet. Except for my neighbor who thinks I am letting out my tame bunny so my dogs can "play" with him.

Geesh.

crazydogblog said...

Lol at insanedogowner.

I have two house bunnies who share my bedroom with my dog. And terrorise him! They'll jump madly around my room in front of him and bop him on the nose when he tries to sniff them.

Food Lady: People are idots. Ignore them. We all know that you'd never do anything to harm your hammy or your dogs. Just think of the mess you'd have to clean up!

Tristan - I'm a Heavenly King said...

Dear FL,
Need I say more? Guess all the comments so far are enough to tell you that the DVM is just some rare "passer-by" of your blog and a complete nutcrack to think that torturing MC Hammy was in the cards. Just ignore *it* :)

Great post as always!

tom said...

great blog, great photos. Thanks for posting.

SanDiegoDogMa said...

I feel like the kid who's just been told Santa Clause isn't real. Please stop it. Don't fuck with my TWAAW reality.