Sunday, March 15, 2009

ZOMG! Tweed can see

into the future!!

It is now obvious that Tweed kicked the crap out of Mr. Woo earlier this week to punish him for something Wootie had not yet done.

But let me explain.

Yesterday I threw the dogs in the van and took them to beautiful Bowen Island, which is a 20 minute ferry ride from Horseshoe Bay in West Vancouver.

We went to visit my sister's partner's parents, who have a big, comfortable rambling homestead over there on a few blissfully peaceful acres. Dogs are very welcome. In fact, everything is very welcome, as the Cadys are warm people with nary an ounce of pretension. And their home is beautiful.

Tanus and Nicole wandering the property with their ever-present glasses of wine.

The barn across the creek that I feel strongly should be converted into my new home!

But Tweed is superstitious, and found the Cady house *extremely* scary. The house is full of curiosities and objets d'art and Tweed was convinced that all of them were Out.To.Get.Him.


The deer antlers were obviously going to LEAP OFF THE WALL and GRAB HIM.


A bowl of feathers that could potentially TICKLE HIM TO DEATH!!!!!


Although that last one I kind of have to give him - up those stairs lives Charlie The Killer Cat. I'm not even kidding. While we were exploring the house, Charlie leapt off a bed and ONTO a completely unsuspecting Wootie and delivered upon him a beating of world class proportions. It made Tweed's thrashing from the other day look like an intimate embrace of true love. The screaming may haunt the Cadys for the remainder of their days.

We eventually had to close the door to that part of the house, because Charlie was laying in wait for another canine victim. Dude, that is one scary f*cking cat!

Tweed also spent a good portion of the evening barking in abject terror at the face of a statue of Buddha sitting on an end table. I got no photos of this because I was mortified - Smartest Breed In The World my arse.

Anyway, Tweed had clearly had a premonition, which became obvious when we took the dogs down to see the Indian Runner ducks (BTW - Funniest.Ducks.EVER).

Indian Runners are very flocky and like sheep, they all tend to go in the same direction on foot, all waddly with their big tall necks, making concerned quackings as they go. They are popular among working dog enthusiasts for practicing for this reason.

I thought for sure that they would capture the interest of my three, you know, herding dogs?

Tweed was (surprise!) afraid of them. Piper dismissed them as they were in a dog-free coop and therefore, of no value to her.

Mr. Woo ...


And I mean, he ran the f*ck away. Not from the ducks - he just ran away.

Notice the complete absence of Wootie in this photograph of the back part of the property. That's because he was already 400 miles away.

I don't know exactly how big Bowen Island is, but it would not surprise me if Wootie circled it several times in his BADDOGFREEFORALL.

Wootie came to me with no recall whatsoever. The word "come" means, to Wootie, run really far and fast in the opposite direction. I have worked on his recall endlessly, and really thought we had made some headway as I can now call him off even a squirrel most of the time. He still does not have the enthusiastic about-face top-speed return of my other dogs, but I have been very smug about how much I have achieved with him. However, I have never had the opportunity to test it in the conflicting face of the intoxicating scent of BOWEN ISLAND DEER.

See Wootie Run. Run, Wootie - RUUUUUUUN!

So while everyone else at the dinner party was enjoying fine wine, good company, the warm glow of the fire etc. etc., I was fighting my way through dense forest and swamps trying to track down an extremly wayward Mr. Woo. Periodically, far in the distance of the gathering dusk, I would catch a glimpse of The Flamboyance(tm) as Woo sailed over fallen trees and crashed through undergrowth. And I sounded like a one-woman drunken camping party as I screamed his recall command (in retrospect, perhaps a poor choice, as Wootie's recall command is "WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!") over and over again.

It's obvious to me now that my failed attempts to get Woo to exercise could easily have been solved by simply dropping him off in deer country and returning for him a few days later. He'd probably be 10 lbs lighter, because he would NEVER STOP RUNNING.

Eventually he returned to my general vicinity, tongue dragging 7 feet behind him, and I tackled him like a linebacker in the Superbowl. He was covered head to toe in Bowen Island mud and his Flamboyance(tm) was decorated with Forest Stuff like a cruel and mocking Christmas Tree. I bathed him in the creek, and dragged him kicking and screaming the whole way back to the house.

Where everyone proceeded to snuggle the shit out of him. WTF?

It's clear that Tweed knew what Wootie was plotting, and chose to beat him for it in advance. Thanks, Tweed! I am sorry I doubted you.

*Vindicated Tweed Gets Victory Snuggle From Auntie Tanus*

You can open doorz, and I can haz deer chase plz? kthnx!

Now who's the bonehead, huh? Oh wait - still me. Nevermind.

ETA: It is 12:10 on Sunday afternoon and it is SNOWING AGAIN. Someone is in BIG trouble!!!!


EvenSong said...

What a comfy looking home! Can't figure why Tweed thought it was so scary (except for the Charlie terror). And NO you can't have the barn to live in, it's for the ani-moles!

Shame on Mr. Woo, but glad he eventually returned. It's especially worrisome to have them take off somewhere unfamiliar--danger of becoming disoriented and not finding their way back. Betcha Woo was SO proud of himself!

KC said...

I thought I lost my dog in a big irrigation pipe once since she was near it the last time I saw her. It turned out she was chasing a squirrel in another direction. It scared the @#! out of me. I'm glad Mr. Woo is back safely.

Black Jack's Carol said...

You just wait, Tweed. Jean is waiting to take you the minute Food Lady makes fun of you (again). Who knows what that Buddha could have planning. And feathers, just sitting there, in a bowl? A dog has got a sense of where things belong, and feathers go on birds outside, not staring at you from some bowl. As for Woo, he probably ran away in terror after he recovered from the shock of the cat attack enough to get his feet moving. Must admit, that barn does look nice though. Guess Piper could teach that cat a thing or two, and rule the island, protecting Tweed and Woo if they pay her enough:) Very glad this so funny story had a mostly happy ending. Just that bonehead comment to deal with. I tell you, Tweed, Jean awaits.

annmaree said...

i'm pretty sure i want auntie tanus's sweater. Just throwin that out there.

dp said...

No one ever said that Aussies were the smartest dogs in the world...

Bad Woo! When David and I lived in China Creek coop there was a guy across the street who would get drunk, get naked and yell "yeah baby, yeah" from his balcony to celebrate every welfare check. You slashing through the woods yelling "woo hoo" is evocative of that memory for me. Bad Woo!

Jean said...

Yup, I'll make the snow stop when Tweed arrives here. I'm still waiting for that FedEx truck!

I'm so glad Woo returned safely, even if a little the worse for wear. I remember when Caleb took off on me, truckin' along the dikes oblivious to my calls - it was scary! I was just about in full panic mode when he decided to return.

Tristan - I'm a Heavenly King said...

"It's obvious to me now that my failed attempts to get Woo to exercise could easily have been solved by simply dropping him off in deer country and returning for him a few days later."
- HA.HA.HA.HA.HA. I am very tempted to do that with my dogs too!!! Let me know if you are successful!

Natalie said...

Oh, Woo. What a baaaadddoooggggg.

Totally Timmy said...

I had runner ducks and finally got rid of them because my collie just could not leave them alone. They are seriously hilarious though!
Beautiful area..I would run away to explore to!

Diamond Girl said...

Food Lady,
Can you be my BFF, please? Thanks.

With you around I would never have to be funny again.

nickelsmum said...

Wow, awesome homestead. Sob.

My little black Aussie was once landed on by a very large, extremely hostile black cat. We were at a plant nursery and the nursery cat was snoozing on a counter. Next thing we knew he was ripping into Nickel, who was extremely startled.

As Ian Dunbar says, it's a good thing cats are not the size of Great Danes.

Companion Animal Solutions

Beth said...

Memories of my days as a wilderness ranger hiking with my siberian husky. The husky spied an elk and took off, my hiking partner took off after him, came back an hour later exhausted. I got up and continued hiking down the trail, knowing the idiot hated trailing behind, always had to be in the lead. 5 minutes later he came screaming up the trail after us, wondering why Rob wasn't chasing him anymore! Unfortunately this doesn't work for the border collie I have now. When she starts chasing something and I don't call her within a microsecond, she has no recall and comes back when she damn well pleases. Ya gotta love the BC!

Fenway said...

Barking at the Buddha?

Tweed is below sea level on the path to enlightenment. I'd of been mortified, too.

On the other hand, we BC owners know that they are not exactly a BLISSFUL breed. Maybe Tweed was trying to bark some enthusiasm into that damn Buddha.

The Border Collies said...

"And NO you can't have the barn to live in, it's for the ani-moles!"

No animals live in the barn! The neighbor's horses did once, but they have since moved. It is empty and just waiting for conversion for meeee!!!!

"Guess Piper could teach that cat a thing or two,"

Actually no - Charlie attacked her too! And she ran away!

"i'm pretty sure i want auntie tanus's sweater."

Those Cowichan sweaters used to be a dime a dozen at thrift stores, as they were so passe. Now they are back!! And mass produced, sadly. Auntie Tanus' sweater is the real deal though.

"Can you be my BFF, please? Thanks."

Absolutely! One can never have too many friends :)

"Tweed is below sea level on the path to enlightenment."

Is that the same thing as "developmentally disabled?" Because if it, I totally agree!!

PoochesForPeace said...

I looked up Cowichan sweaters...Holy crap some of those sweaters sell for a lot these days!

Anonymous said...

sounds like a great weekend out of town...

you have not sent Tweed.


tom said...

I can't figure out if you are an amazing photographer, or if your dogs have the most expressive and sweet faces...but the photos are wonderful. Simply wonderful.

Anonymous said...

he..hem...for DB - I do believe the "smartest dogs in the world" was from some issue of Dog Fancy that stated that title belonged to Border Collies.

As someone who owns both BC's and Aussies, I will tell you my BC's are the most TRAINABLE dogs I have ever owned. But definitely not the smartest. My Aussies are MUCH better problem solvers. And they don't run into the sliding glass doors (at age 9!) that my BC does.

I have the BEST BC story to illustrate this but it's too long so you'll just have to trust me :-)

Sounds like poor Tweed got a mixed bag in the brains department...but I still luv him.

PoochesForPeace said...

the "afeared" picture is my favorite one in thise post :)