Friday, May 23, 2008

Feast or Famine

Kind of like this blog - some weeks, no posts. Other weeks, several posts.

Today's entry is about dinner; I haz it, the dogs want it.

In the sink sits a bag of thawing chicken.

FEAST

On the floor sit STARVING dogs. Starving TO DEATH if you please.

FAMINE
"I'm so fed up with her. There's chicken in the sink, perfectly good chicken, and she's sitting on the floor with the camera stuck to her face. I just. don't. understand. her."


FEAST


SO. MUCH. FAMINE.
"I'm too weak ... to lift my head ... I rest it in your leg ... you loser-human-in-pajamas-at-7:00pm-on-a-Friday-night.* Your cruelty
is why you are single. You suck. I'm so hungry."



FEAST. Chicken, chicken everywhere ...


KITTEN
"No eatin' the kitten. Move along. Nothing to see here."


Oops, shit. I mean, FAMINE:
"Dear doG, who art in heaven, please make the Food Lady give me chicken."

---------------

Oh and it gets better.

Are you ready for it?

Mr. Woo died of hunger. He moaned, keeled over, and died, right there on the floor.
Of course he died staring at me, so I'd feel guilty. I totally don't.

BYE BYE WOOTIE! MORE CHICKEN FOR TWEED!!

"Over my dead body. I'll fight him for it. Bring it on, @$$hole."
(more Meat Mad Teeth (tm))

For the record, since I don't want a "dog rescue" breaking into my house and liberating my dogs, they aren't really starving! They go into famine mode about 1/2 hour - 45 minutes before their regularly scheduled feeding time. It takes Woo that long to create an effective build up to his nightly "demise."

Besides, anyone who has seen Wootie in person knows he could live off his own fat for, like, three weeks at least.


"OMG. You starve me AND you mock me. I hate you."

*in my own defense, I am wearing pajamas because I changed out of my wet dog beach jeans into the closest pants nearby, which *happened* to be my jammies! And I'm home on a Friday night because I have to work early Saturday morning. I'm not a loser! Don't listen to Tweed, he's a dick!

12 comments:

alaska said...

You know that last picture of Tweed and Woo? Just remember that's how we TWAAW readers look when we know you are out there taking pictures by the truckload but the blog hasn't seen an update in days.

Aaaggghh! Give us table scraps! We'll take anything, even underexposed, out-of-focus pictures of labradoodles. PLEEEZ?

Anonymous said...

I'm sure I see Tweed's ribs jutting out, Woo's wasting in every shot, and Piper's eyes look glassy and vacant with hunger.

So why, WHY am I laughing?

I'm so ashamed. (Thank you. Only you can make famine so blasted funny.)

Brianna said...

I just found this blog two days ago and I'm already addicted! You have an amazing eye and are very talented with your camera. I'm inspired to start taking pictures of my own... as soon as I get enough money to buy my own camera.

dp said...

Watson (after barely managing to survive his puppyhood) leaps around like a bloody maniac when he senses dinner on the horizon. Tilley and Willow glare at his with looks that say "save your energy because we might never be fed again". The picture of Donut is great.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Poooor Starving pups. Sad and tragic, pity them, sad and tragic creatures. They can barely stand let alone chase balls on the beach. Hahaha!

The Border Collies said...

right? Poor starving dogs my arse! You know, the other day I took Woo to the pet supply store to buy cat litter and the *whole time* we were in there, he moaned, chortled, whimpered, cried and sang the blues about how he was STARVING and why weren't the staff cramming cookies down his throat. It was embarrassing. I found myself saying things like "stop that you creepy animal" out loud to him so that other shoppers didn't think this was normal behaviour for him.

Sadly, this is normal behaviour for him.

Pony Girl said...

I just discovered your blog...what great dogs, such characters and such great photographs, too! I want a border collie...my sister's dog (who thinks he is mine) is a 3/4 Aussie 1/4 Border collie. He's the greatest.

dogzoomies said...

My dogs start the dinner stare 45 minutes before feeding time. Not 30, not 47 minutes... 45. How do they do that?!!

b13 said...

OH I LOVE ME SOME BITEY TEETH PICS :)

And... You just got an award!

timtim said...

Love this blog! Found you through b13. That shot with the helmet is too funny.

Fenway said...

I also found you from b13....can I put you on my list of fave blogs to visit?

I've got one 8 month old bc pup and he's a laugh a minute. I can't imagine the mirth of having 3...now 2 (so sorry for Red Dog).

beautifulwolf said...

This is so great... it's like my home, minus the toddler pulling on my pants too, telling me how hungry she is too, as I cook LOL

Awesome blog!