Monday, January 11, 2010

Tried a new dog park

The one where the fattest dogs in the world all hang out.


Oh, making fun of my girth again are we? How exciting. *YAWN*

Ha ha. But seriously, compared to the other dogs we saw at the park, Wootie is practically svelte. Actually, to be fair, Wootie isn't really THAT fat at all. He is *very* hairy, and has a chest like a beer keg, but you can quite easily feel his ribs. If you felt just his ribs, you'd think he needed to lose a whopping pound or possibly two. It's his back that you can't find, up around his shoulders. It's buried in so much hair and lard that it may actually be at home in the toybox as much as you can prove it's in his body where it's supposed to be.

Or maybe he's keeping it in his magnificent Flamboyance(tm).

There were so many obese - not just fat, we're talking easy-chair-plus-an-ottoman obese - dogs at the park that it made me cringe. One border collie we ran across was so huge I could easily have dined on his kitchen table of a back.

I had this predictable conversation with the owner as I was leaving.

Him: "Are those ALL your dogs???"

Me: "Yes."

Him: "Do you do flyball with them?"

Me: "No."

Him. "Oh. We tried flyball with our dog, but he didn't seem to like it."

Me: "That's because he's 30 lbs too fat to run or jump. He'd probably enjoys sports a lot more if he wasn't shaped like a beach ball."

Him: mouth agape.

I know, I know - I should mind my own business. But I can't help it! That poor dog was so fat he couldn't even keep up with Dexter, who trips over his own giraffe legs every 4.5 seconds. He'd only just walked into the park and he was already panting like crazy. It's just plain sad.

Never mind the Jack Russel that looked like he'd swallowed the aforementioned border collie. Oy.

And it wasn't just fat dogs that made this new park kinda creepy; there was the unnecessarily high (and ungodly) percentage of Cesar Milan Wannabes who kept poking their dogs and going "Zzzzt." WTF is that supposed to do anyway? Is there a magic noise-making button on dogs that I've missed all these years, that makes your dog do EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING ALREADY when you push/zzzt it?

And then there was this dog (also really fat):

His owner opened the gate, sat down on a bench and screamed "RUN RUN!" at the dog, who immediately took off and started doing laps around the park for no particular reason - he was not chasing anyone or anything, he was just literally running in a big circle over and over and over. It was the exact behaviour we see in, and try to train out of, rescue dogs who run fence lines in their yards. The dog basically ran non stop for about 20 minutes, literally running a trench in the soft ground, until the owner hollered "That's enough!" and the poor thing collapsed under a table.

I have never seen anything like it.

Fortunately, aside from the big play space, the park also has a shortish network of paths in the woods, so we wandered away before my brain short circuited.

Annnd then I made my dogs pose on stuff.

Which Wootie really likes.


But Tweed can take it or leave it.

Who wants me to stop making dogs pose on stuff?

Excuse me, but I'd like you to stop making me pose on stuff.

Oh GAWD. PLEASE stop making me pose on stuff! I beg of you.

YAY! Thanks, Food Lady!
(you can see the bare patch on her chest I had to shave to take care of that hot spot. It's healed up very nicely. Hibitane cream is a gift from the heavens.)

When Dexter started single-pawedly trying to demolish the forest

... we headed back to the open field.

I'm just going to take this tree with me.

And then I caught Piper doing something shameful.

GASP! Piper, are you playing DumbBall???

What? No! What?

I was just taking this hockey ball to the, umm, puddle. It's thirsty. Yeah, that's it.

Now I'm just going to put it back here under this tree where I found it. Totally innocent. I swear.

Speaking of puddles, guess which two dogs got a feet-and-belly bath when we got home?

So this is what Wootie would look like if I punched him really hard in the face and then washed him in hot water. Interesting. I wonder if that would require thumbs?


Anonymous said...


Wootie has a mini-me!

Michelle said...

I had a great laugh at this one! You crack me up, and I love the photos so much. Thanks for making mine a Happy Monday!

Crazy IT Stories said...

I've followed your blog for months now in silence and I have to come out and say that I *love* your dogs! And your photography. And your hilarious blogging. And I worship at the feet of adorable Dexter (I have to ask, is he named after a certain brilliantly loveable serial killer? Because if so, then I just love you both even further.)

My husband and I have 3 dogs, all rescues(not BC's, hopefully someday!), and I applaud your rescue work.

Thanks for the smiles! :)

The Border Collies said...

And I worship at the feet of adorable Dexter (I have to ask, is he named after a certain brilliantly loveable serial killer? Because if so, then I just love you both even further.)

Yes ma'am, Mr. Morgan does indeed borrow his name from the tv show. Although I generally have preferred to give my border collies more traditional working dog names (Tweed, Piper), my favouritest border collie in the world, Briggs (rip) was named after a character on another of my favourite tv shows, Twin Peaks. I hope Dexter lives up to this tv character naming tradition by being an awesome dog when he grows up :)

Mr. Woo falls into no category whatsoever. He is very much his own tubby orange personality.

Crazy Dog Blog said...

Your posts always make me laugh but that last photo-and-commentary-by-Tweed made me spit my hot chocolate all over my laptop.

You owe me a new laptop.

Katharine Swan said...

I had also wondered if Dexter was named after our favorite serial killer. We are a fan in this household too!

Donna said...

Confession: I use the Cesar Milan "tsst!" noise. But mostly because it gets Justice's attention (most of the time) and interrupts her "I'm doing something stupid la la la!" train of thought.

I could have just as easily used "Hey!" or "Stop that!" but she hears me talking pretty much non-stop and tends to ignore my voice when she gets hyper-focused on things. A non-vocal noise works best on her, and I feel ridiculous making "boop boop!" noises at the dog park. :)

Emma Rose said...

Hysterical! A mini-Wootie!!!

StefRobrts said...

Please keep posing Wootie if it makes his ears do that - they're hilarious! OMG - Wootie ears!!!

I love the description of the freakshow at the dog park. Bizarre!

♥I am Holly♥ said...

Another great post!! Love those photos...all of them!!!

An English Shepherd said...

Great post. We do flyball and you can't be porky.

Why ask if your dogs do it and then say your dogs did'nt like it ... How odd!

Wizz :-)

halushki said...

the comment from the dog park guy reminds me of how shocked people at the dog park always are when they see Fred (our basset) running at full tilt, chasing the other dogs. Everyone always says "wow I didn't know bassets could do that! Mine/my aunt's/my neighbor's has such short legs that we don't like to make him run or walk much. He just likes to lay around and eat..."

Duh... THE PEOPLE just like to lay around and eat. The basset hound would prefer to be running full tilt through the bramble chasing a rabbit, but no one lets him run and then he got fat.

nickelsmum said...

I loved the fat dog story. Well, not the part where the dog was actually suffering.

I bet the guy with the RUN RUN dog is very proud of his awesome training skills.

I have been to that dog park, I think, which is pretty impressive since I live almost 300 miles away. My visit there was punctuated by my car almost running over a German Shepherd running across the road in hot pursuit of (IIRC) a flying duck just before the park entrance. I need to find a better place to run dogs when we are flyballing at Cloverdale.

Two French Bulldogs said...

What awesome pictures. You guys are very talented. Maybe TV material. That hairy one is quite cute!
Benny & Lily

pampete1 said...

Love your posts! The mini-Woo was too cute! Where did Dexter get those ears?

Please keep the photos & posts coming! Love them!

Debra Kay said...

Woo makes me smile every time I see him.
Solo is learning to run on his newly lengthened legs, but he can't swoop in and grab the toy like big sister Molly can. He either go fast, or swoop, but not both at once.

Diana said...

LOL , good for you! Diana

I need orange said...

Mark me down as another person who just can't help telling people their dogs are fat.

I have never seen a corgi at the vet's (well, aside from mine!) that wasn't fat.

I always say "You know he's really fat, right? Look at my dog, looking down at his back. That's how they are supposed to look."............

Not that I suppose it does any good, but if I don't speak up, am I not part of the problem?

dogzoomies said...

"So this is what Wootie would look like if I punched him really hard in the face and then washed him in hot water."

HA HA HA! The funniest caption/photo ever! Love it!

riosmom said...

For some reason I am especially struck by the picture of Woo walking away and his "magnificent Flamboyance(tm)". I have seen it dozens (hundreds?) of times but today it was like "Wow!"

Loved all the other pictures as well and, of course, Tweed's plan for shrinking Woo.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! You are so great at capturing their expressions! I love it!

Carol said...

Well, everyone thinks I am starving Gizmo! He might make Piper look fat. You can see his ribs, his hip bones, his spine. We feed him, honest! He just skips meals when he is feeling fat. The vet says he is healthy, if one to two levels below ideal weight. His bloodwork, fecal float, canine dentist exams, etc. consistently come back fine. He has been this way for 9 years. He has great muscle mass. I have long since given up fattening him up.

Jane said...

Ah, the magnificent heart goes pitter patter! Do not diss Mr. Woo's tubbage---he is still the hunkiest dog in town! Kiss, kiss, Wootie! :-)

dreameyce said...

Having obese dogs can come in handy, I'm sure. If you need a stool, it's right there, wide enough to put your feet on. Get a flat tire? Just have the fat-dog roll the car for you!