Saturday, August 08, 2009

Chi(llin') Evil With Little Hounds

Oh, hai.

That's a reflection of me, with uncharacteristically insane hair. It was probably standing on end in terror at the time.

What do *I* have to be afraid of, you wonder?

(cue ominous musical score)


Oh I can hear you all now:
Ummm, Food Lady? That's not scary. It's a cute little chihuahua.

Yes it is. It is a cute little chihuahua. Named Boo. And Boo gets her name BECAUSE SHE IS SCARY!


Boo belongs to my neighbor, and as a special, limited time bonus, she comes with two 100% FREE, that's right I said FREE, hotdogs!

These three terrors belong to my neighbor, who's away for the day. Because he hates me, he asked me if I'd look after them for him. "Sure, no problem," I said, "I'll even take them for a walk with my dogs!"

WTF was I thinking?

First of all, I am now officially able to hire myself out as a ranch hand, because I have mastered the art of lassoing recalcitrant animals with bad tempers. There was no way on doG's green earth that Boo was going to let me touch her, which she made very clear by showing me 6 times the number of (sharp, pointy) teeth a normal dog has, and throwing in a rumble like a freight train as a bonus. I had to rope her to get her to come out the door with me!

May I remind you:

Once I calf-roped her into a slip lead, I then had to contend with the hotdogs. (WienerTwins, ACTIVATE!) They scattered to the 4 corners of the parking garage when I tried to convince them to get into my car.

"You're not the boss of me! You're not my real dad!" etc.

You suck.

I used my big human brain to remember I was packing salmon cookies and I lured them to my car like a pedophile reels in school children. Then I had to tackle them so I could carefully hoist them into what they told me was far too high a vehicle to hop into.


At the park, things were no better. Boo had managed to wiggle out of her slip lead in the car, and exploded from the crate the second I opened it, which then lead to a lengthy chase around the parking lot until I could lasso her again. I tell you, I was |thisclose| to leaving her there and just going home. *shakes fist at Boo*

And then there were the wieners.

I want to go this way.
Tough shit. I want to go this way.

Just kidding. Sort of.

Once we were at the park, Boo decided she liked me just fine. She was especially fond of my treat pouch.

Don't flirt with me, Boo. I know what you're capable of!

Mr. Woo, otoh, she was considerably less fond of.

Here's Mr. Woo pretending Boo is not about to bite him. Which, incidentally, was not a successful strategy.

I had to talk Woo down, to prevent him from stabbing her to death with the nearest handy implement.

Piper helped me hold him back.

Let me at 'er! I'll tear to pieces, I say, I'll shred her like lettuce!

Tweed thought walking at wiener pace was boring as anything.

But we didn't have much choice, because we were actually going slow for Her Royal Gimpiness, who is suffering from ball-related skinned-off paw pads.

Ouch :(

Can you carry me? My feetses hurts.

Wait, are you carrying four legged peoples? Hey, you, I'm talking to you ... down here!

Tweed, would you please get these wiener dogs out of my hair ... err, shoelaces?

*sigh* Yeah, okay. Come on, wieners.

The Pied Piper Of Hotdogs. Ironically, it's not Piper.

I hate the stupid Food Lady. Maybe I should just kill myself right here, right now, in this pond.

Nah. Forget it. Let's just go home.

Then Piper sounded the alarm.

Dogs to arms! Six whippets approach us from the left!

And guess who came scuttling to me for protection as fast as their chubby little legs could propel them??

*struts* That's right. Who's got the power now, suckas??

You may have won this round, but we shall meet again, Food Lady. And victory will be mine.

Count your blessings, dear readers. You don't always realize how many you have to gather in your arms. I may be jobless, and I may be very poor, but I have the most amazing and wonderful friends who do the most incredible things for me. You know who you are!

Also, you should count your blessings, because you don't live with Boo!

What? Hey, come a little closer, would you? No reason ...


Janice in GA said...

Chihuahuas. Don't talk to me about chihuahuas. I was chased down the street by TWO of them yesterday.

The one dog I've petsit (petsat? petsitten?) for that I really thought was going to bite me was a chihuahua. I had to lasso him too to get the leash on him.

And doxies, esp minidoxies. Jeezopete. I wouldn't have one if they were the last dog on earth.

I'm glad there are folks who love them, but I'm solidly in the herding breed category myself.

pam said...

I once had a chiwowow jump up and bite me b/w my thumb and finger. I steer clear of the leetle monsters now.

Give me a big ole poochy any day...

Natalie said...

It's the little ones that are the scariest.

erin said...

Amazing pictures as always! :)

52 Faces said...

hhahahahaha You're hilarious!

Janice in GA is hilarious!

Yeah...Chi's...heh. Not so much. We're fostering a 55-60 lb pittie right now. More our style.

Photography + Dogs - 2 of my fav things! So glad my google reader recommended you!

angie said...

yay weenies!! hey, weenies are good dogs, janice in ga! well, mine are...

Lily and Benson said...

I love close up pictures of noses and hineys. There funny
Benny & Lily

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the full on belly laughs!! I know those three pups... the twins.. sweethearts. Boo Schizophrenic... sweet is one of the personalities. I have two hot dogs myself... angels in silly looking bodies.

ACB said...

My 150lb Great Dane will solidly agree that Chi's are the most ferocious, angriest, horrible little monsters.

MalaysianFan said...

Aerial photographs of dachshunds -- My new favorite shots.

PoochesForPeace said...

kind of looks like a chihuahua beagle mix. Very cute!

Arwen said...

Heee, I love that picture of Tweed with a trail of hotdogs :-)

Just wondering if you were aware of this? - competitive dockdiving! Sounds like a perfect sport for Wootie :-)

Black Jack's Carol said...

Great post. I particularly enjoyed the first photo:) As for Chihuahuas, there was a little terror living in the first building I lived in, in Vancouver. My dog, Scott, used to roll his eyes every time we met. When I adopted Black Jack, I resisted for a long time, all suggestions that she had such ancestry in her, but honestly, if she indeed is part Chihuahua, then maybe there is hope for the breed:) As for hotdogs, another building and another horror story. Hm...

Zoom said...

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Stephanie Owen

Smaki said...

Poor Wootie, getting pushed around by a Chiwowow.

Hope Piper's foot heals up fast!

Bella said...

As can be seen by the comments to this post, Chihuahuas tend to have a bad reputation. I do get upset when people start bashing the breed and calling them monsters for real, because I have one and she is an absolute angel. You can ask any vet that has ever met her. Yes, this breed has "hope" because again, it depends on the trainer. It's one of those things where it probably doesn't get to you unless you're owned by one.

Anyway. Do both your neighbor's Doxies have good recall? I am always afraid of letting small dogs off-leash in fear that they'll take off and never come back and it'll be extra hard to find them because of their size. I suppose Boo didn't go off-leash? LOL.

angie said...

dachshunds, recall? they don't know the meaning of the word...

Shelouise said...

Beautiful photos of Michael's dogs!!! Morgan La Fey was once my dachshind's girlfriend when we were neighbours. Great blog!!!
(p.s. I think that Boo is a MinPin???)