Let This Be A Lesson To You

KARMA

If you are rude to your mop

You may fall on the floor

GRACE

Sometimes you haz it

Sometimes, not so much.

FACEPLANT!

Beware of imitations

Showing off can be hazardous to, err, gravity?

It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood, dear readers! The problem is, my neighborhood is dullsville. So we went to Kits Beach to enjoy the sun.

And was it ever MY lucky day.

ZOMG! The Cute!

Every day can be made better by a cute puppy sighting.

Please to love me now? kthx

We even got to see some old friends.

Do your ears hang low

Do they wobble to and fro

Can you tie 'em in a knot?

Stop singing. Your voice makes me angry.

Piper needs to take better care of her Mad Teeth (tm)! That big gap is not very flattering. It's where the one we had removed when it got broken by the caribiner used to live. The rest of her teeth are sharpened from years of chewing on everything that fits in her mouth, so giving her a cookie is like grabbing Edward Scissorhands.

Stop making fun of my sister. Got it?

It's been busy busy here at the House of Three Woofs. We're gearing up for the AAC Regionals in May, so we've upped our training to 2 nights a week. Of course, all practice areas are a kazillion miles away, so they make for looong days.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...

Donut is still trying to eat MC Hamster

So she needed some "Corporal Cuddling".

As soon as you let me up, you're dead meat, lady.

Oh brother.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wootie is full of fun! May your weekend also be full of laughs!

XO

Two things that amused me today

The first one:

My friend Fiona sent me this, knowing how much I would appreciate it:

Canadian accused at U.S. border of 'stealing American jobs'

A B.C. sales representative who markets equestrian products in Canada was barred from crossing the U.S. border to attend a trade show last month by a U.S. Customs and Border Protection officer who accused him of trying to steal American jobs.

Copyright 2009 CBC All Rights Reserved

The Second I snitched off of my friend Suki, who posted it on Facebook.

Seriously RAD.

ZOMG! Tweed can see

into the future!!

It is now obvious that Tweed kicked the crap out of Mr. Woo earlier this week to punish him for something Wootie had not yet done.

But let me explain.

Yesterday I threw the dogs in the van and took them to beautiful Bowen Island, which is a 20 minute ferry ride from Horseshoe Bay in West Vancouver.

We went to visit my sister's partner's parents, who have a big, comfortable rambling homestead over there on a few blissfully peaceful acres. Dogs are very welcome. In fact, everything is very welcome, as the Cadys are warm people with nary an ounce of pretension. And their home is beautiful.

Tanus and Nicole wandering the property with their ever-present glasses of wine.

The barn across the creek that I feel strongly should be converted into my new home!


But Tweed is superstitious, and found the Cady house *extremely* scary. The house is full of curiosities and objets d'art and Tweed was convinced that all of them were Out.To.Get.Him.

*Afeared*

The deer antlers were obviously going to LEAP OFF THE WALL and GRAB HIM.

VERY SCARY CANARIES:

A bowl of feathers that could potentially TICKLE HIM TO DEATH!!!!!


TERRIFYING STAIRCASE

Although that last one I kind of have to give him - up those stairs lives Charlie The Killer Cat. I'm not even kidding. While we were exploring the house, Charlie leapt off a bed and ONTO a completely unsuspecting Wootie and delivered upon him a beating of world class proportions. It made Tweed's thrashing from the other day look like an intimate embrace of true love. The screaming may haunt the Cadys for the remainder of their days.

We eventually had to close the door to that part of the house, because Charlie was laying in wait for another canine victim. Dude, that is one scary f*cking cat!

Tweed also spent a good portion of the evening barking in abject terror at the face of a statue of Buddha sitting on an end table. I got no photos of this because I was mortified - Smartest Breed In The World my arse.

Anyway, Tweed had clearly had a premonition, which became obvious when we took the dogs down to see the Indian Runner ducks (BTW - Funniest.Ducks.EVER).

Indian Runners are very flocky and like sheep, they all tend to go in the same direction on foot, all waddly with their big tall necks, making concerned quackings as they go. They are popular among working dog enthusiasts for practicing for this reason.

I thought for sure that they would capture the interest of my three, you know, herding dogs?

Tweed was (surprise!) afraid of them. Piper dismissed them as they were in a dog-free coop and therefore, of no value to her.

Mr. Woo ...

Mr. Woo RAN AWAY.

And I mean, he ran the f*ck away. Not from the ducks - he just ran away.

Notice the complete absence of Wootie in this photograph of the back part of the property. That's because he was already 400 miles away.

I don't know exactly how big Bowen Island is, but it would not surprise me if Wootie circled it several times in his BADDOGFREEFORALL.

Wootie came to me with no recall whatsoever. The word "come" means, to Wootie, run really far and fast in the opposite direction. I have worked on his recall endlessly, and really thought we had made some headway as I can now call him off even a squirrel most of the time. He still does not have the enthusiastic about-face top-speed return of my other dogs, but I have been very smug about how much I have achieved with him. However, I have never had the opportunity to test it in the conflicting face of the intoxicating scent of BOWEN ISLAND DEER.

See Wootie Run. Run, Wootie - RUUUUUUUN!


So while everyone else at the dinner party was enjoying fine wine, good company, the warm glow of the fire etc. etc., I was fighting my way through dense forest and swamps trying to track down an extremly wayward Mr. Woo. Periodically, far in the distance of the gathering dusk, I would catch a glimpse of The Flamboyance(tm) as Woo sailed over fallen trees and crashed through undergrowth. And I sounded like a one-woman drunken camping party as I screamed his recall command (in retrospect, perhaps a poor choice, as Wootie's recall command is "WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO!") over and over again.

It's obvious to me now that my failed attempts to get Woo to exercise could easily have been solved by simply dropping him off in deer country and returning for him a few days later. He'd probably be 10 lbs lighter, because he would NEVER STOP RUNNING.

Eventually he returned to my general vicinity, tongue dragging 7 feet behind him, and I tackled him like a linebacker in the Superbowl. He was covered head to toe in Bowen Island mud and his Flamboyance(tm) was decorated with Forest Stuff like a cruel and mocking Christmas Tree. I bathed him in the creek, and dragged him kicking and screaming the whole way back to the house.

Where everyone proceeded to snuggle the shit out of him. WTF?

It's clear that Tweed knew what Wootie was plotting, and chose to beat him for it in advance. Thanks, Tweed! I am sorry I doubted you.

*Vindicated Tweed Gets Victory Snuggle From Auntie Tanus*

You can open doorz, and I can haz deer chase plz? kthnx!

Now who's the bonehead, huh? Oh wait - still me. Nevermind.

ETA: It is 12:10 on Sunday afternoon and it is SNOWING AGAIN. Someone is in BIG trouble!!!!

Wanna Know How To Photograph A Hamster?

Me too!
It's frickin' HARD.

LOL! I iz a blurry black bob and I'm eatin' your baby cornz.


Seriously difficult.

Now I iz a blurry black blob and I iz eatin' your licorice.

(I am not above bribing the hamster with candy to stay still. So shoot me.)


So how do I photograph the little sucker anyway?


I have a deliciously wicked idea. It begins with you putting him in my mouth. What do you say, old chum?

Are you putting hamsters in our mouths?

I iz a blurry black blob sittin' on my fat ass eatin' your broccoliz. And I haz a baby corn tumour in my cheek.


W: Hamster?
P: I suspect she's f*cking with us.


Tee hee! Photograph me if you can!


I am unimpressed with your executive decision to enact a moratorium on hamster mouthing.


Listen, are we getting hamsters or what?

Hai! I'm a BAD DOG!

For the first time in the history of my pack, we had a bone fight. I think. Something set it off anyway and Tweed unleashed on Mr. Woo and kicked the living shit out of him until he noticed me ... and then he ran like his ass was on FIRE. Because he knows who does the shit kicking in this household, dammit! When he starts paying rent, then he can start some shit kicking, but as long as he lives under my roof etc.

I hauled him out from his super secret no-one-will-ever-find-him-in-this-one-level-condo spot under the bed by his stupid stringy tail and we had a wee chat about picking on people smaller than you, and now he is a big bag of submissive suck. But that was scary. We don't HAVE dog fights in my household.

No worries for Wootie. In addition to being a big jerk, Tweed is also a crappy fighter. For all Woo's screaming, there was not a scratch on him. Also, he has no attention span, so he immediately forgot what happened.

Wow that was really scary, I feel so - hey! Is that a squirrel?

Anyway ... working with dogs for the last 15 years, I have broken up my share of dog fights. I once had a bitch that got into it with my housemate's bitch and they put like 22 holes in one another in under 15 seconds. But my pack o'mines don't fight. They make a lot of Mad Teeth (tm), and Tweed grabs Mr. Woo by the nose like 8 times a day for no reason, but they never actually fight. They also don't cuddle or sleep together or generally make physical contact in either positive or negative ways. How about your dogs?

And whoever is responsible for this snow ... I'm sending Tweed over to kick the shit out of you too!

Flamboyances In Love

I can't even tell where one stops and the other begins.

Meet Mr. Woo's latest lady friend, Chloe.

Chloe comes to TDBCR by way of a shelter in the BC Interior, where she had been adopted and returned 3 times since she was a puppy. Or make that, since she was a wee puppy, as at 15 months Chloe is still pretty much just a big puppy.

She is a very pretty girl who is reportedly of a Border Collie Mama and a Shetland Sheepdog Daddy. We aren't really seeing the sheltie at all though. She is a real sweetheart of a dog - trainable, good natured and athletic, and she will be up for adoption through TDBCR shortly. She is being fostered by Dove of Happy Dogs.

If I could have another dog I would snap her up in a heartbeat, if only to make Mr. Noodles beyond happy. He wuvs her.

They speak the same (body) language.

They both love to dance.

Although Mr. Woo doesn't really like her stealing his limelight.

Get.Out.Of.MYSHOTCHLOE!!

And they both ate my hamster.

KIDDING KIDDING! YEESH.

Piper was miffed.

What the f*ck is that beeyotch doing with my man?

No worries Piper. Wootie stills loves you too.

Hey baby, gimme some Mad Teeth (tm). Oh yeah, you know what I like.

Mr. Woo loves ALL da ladies in da hoooow-oose.

Phwoar. That was some good Mad Teeth(tm)

Hello, can you help me? I'm lost. I don't belong in this blog entry at all.

Tweed was confused (shocking, I know). Because Parker and Harriet are staying with Auntie Dove at the mo while Auntie Jackie (Ed. note: beeyotchfromhell) is in Belize.

So while there Jackie dogs, there were no fabulous Jackie bum scritchin's to be had.

I'll just sit here and wait for someone to scritch my heiney.

la la la. Just sittin' here, waiting for scritches.
Poor Tweed.

I can has forever home now please?

Don't forget to check out some of the other fabulous dogs we have for adoption at TDBCR!